Some day I’ll have a stress-free time before Christmas… *grin*
Worst thing about my annual angst – it’s completely and totally under my control, yet I always let it get the best of me. I really thought I’d have it mastered this year, but I let the guilt of Christmas past sneak up and whisper in my ear.
We discovered hubby’s mother was suffering from dementia early in December, 2010. The majority of that month was spent running between her house and our apartment (a 55 minute drive one way) or to my sister-in-law’s (a 45 minute drive one way). At the time, we had managed the amazing (and most likely therapy-inducing) feat of having all three of our kidlets still believe in Santa (at the time they were ten, thirteen and fifteen). Between the lack of time, and our typically tight budget being stretched to the limit with the additional gas costs, we made the difficult decision to sit down and have “the talk”.
Any time I wonder if we’ve done an okay job raising our babies, I’ll simply remember their reactions that afternoon. The grief, anger and disappointment I was somehow expecting turned out to be joy, acceptance and excitement as they recalled moments through the years that we’d pulled off Christmas miracles and kept the holiday wonder alive. When we told them we’d have to do only a couple presents and stockings, they didn’t hesitate a second before declaring they’d be perfectly happy with only one present to unwrap and dinner around our kitchen table.
Christmas last year turned out to be magical even without an appearance from the white-bearded elf (although between you, me and the lamp post, I think he popped in for a bit – I still believe in the spirit of Father Claus). This year I was hoping to start new traditions and finally incorporate our pagan beliefs with our tree and stockings…but again, life got in the way of my plans. Nothing as dire (thank Goddess!) this time around, but lots of little things kept jamming up the works.
I take heart in the fact that we did end up with a tree –
And technically, our gifts managed to dwarf the tree –
I still couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t enough. *sigh*
Hubby and I ended up doing last-minute, Xmas eve grocery shopping – given we live right outside of the capital city, and the closest stores are right off the main highway, I was dreading the potential claus-traphobic experience. Instead, we had an amazing and relaxed time wandering around a couple of grocery stores, getting supplies for our roast beef and potato feast. Relaxed except for that nasty little voice in my ear, encouraging me to buy things we didn’t need just so the kids could have more. I must be all kinds of susceptible to the subliminal selling machine that kicks in before the holidays because it was all I could do to keep from putting stuff in our cart. But I told hubby I was struggling and he talked me down, so we headed home we no extra (unnecessary) goodies stashed in the car. That’s a Christmas miracle in itself!
Needless to say, the kidlets each opened their present, much appreciation was shown, and we had a magical day. My goal for next year is to take the pressure off myself, and focus on the most important aspect of the holiday season – showing family and friends how much they are cherished. I wish the same for you as well, dear reader!
Feel free to shout out!